Ask
by colormetheworld
Summary: A threeshot that wouldn't let me go.
1. Chapter 1

It doesn't go the way either of them were expecting it to go, but Jane, being Jane, adapts much more quickly. Jane seems to fall back into the routine of their life before, and once again Maura finds herself struggling.  
Left behind, and struggling.

So her irritation doubles, when she pulls up to the little house in the middle of the day, and instead of the normal scene of caution tape and milling officers, they find four police cars with their lights still on, a news van and a crowd of anxious observers.

More change. More variables. Maura takes three deep breaths, and looks around for someone she knows who can tell her why her crime scene looks so active.

Jane is on site too, and Maura feels her heart speed up when she catches sight of her. Jane and Frost are both fitting their vests.

She jumps out of the car and walks briskly towards the pair, trying to tell herself that the fierce pounding of her heart is normal. That she feels the same amount of worry for Frost as she does for Jane.  
But it is a lie.

"What's going on?" She asks, as she draws up to the pair. "I thought it was a murder."

"Domestic dispute," It's Frost who answers. "We thought the husband capped her and ran, but when the first responders were showing up, he let go another round."

This does not do anything to alleviate Maura's fears. She looks at Jane who glances at her swiftly, and then looks away, her jaw clenching.

_What's the most afraid you've ever been?_

_When I thought I would lose you. When I thought he would kill you. _

_Lose me?_

_Yes Maura. You're everything to me._

"Ready?" Jane says, her voice gravelly and low in a tone that Maura understands to be determination in the face of terror.

"Yeah," Frost says, and then he waits a beat, like he expects Jane to address the M.E. She doesn't and although he covers it well, Maura still feels the sting of the detective's silence.

"We'll wave you in when it's done, Maura, okay?"

"Be careful," she says to Jane, looking at Frost. "Please be careful."

Frost grins at her. "You got it, Doc."

…

…

Frost is careful.

Jane is...Jane. She takes the shooter down, of course, but a bullet grazes her shoulder, tearing her shirt and leaving a red angry cut in it's wake.

Maura is trying to recover from the sight of Jane bleeding, when the detective approaches her, looking windswept and frustrated.

"Maura," she says, and the doctor turns, relieved at hearing her voice, and angry that it sounds so demanding.

"Detective," she says coolly, because they have promised to remain friends.

"You need to come with me to deal with a situation," Jane says. "I mean...we got the guy," she fills in quickly, as Maura's eyes widen. "And I know you should be with the bodies…"

Jane trails off, and Maura waits, eyebrows raised.

"We busted down the door he was hiding behind and...he wasn't alone. There was a kid. Eight or Nine. She scampered out and into the closet down the hall. Won't come out for anything. I need you to get her out."  
She does not say please. She does not say she is sorry for worrying Maura. She does not do any of the things a courteous, loving girlfriend…

Maura shakes her head like it could derail that train of thought. They are not anything more than co-workers. Jane does not owe her an apology or an explanation.

And Maura does not owe Jane anything either.

"Detective," she says again, trying to regain control. "I now have double the work to do because of you. I'm not sure I have time to-"

"Maura, come on," Jane says, looking impatient. "We need to get the kid to the EMTs so they can look her over. Can't you just-"

But Maura interrupts her, bristling. "No. I can't _just. _You're asking me to delay my job because you can't complete _yours_." She pauses, and then continues, wishing to wound. "I thought you were better than that, _Detective._"

Silence. Jane looks momentarily like a little kid who has been caught in wrong doing, and then spanked.

"Fine," She growls after a second. And she rolls her shoulders, wincing slightly, and Maura feels a new rush of tenderness and fury wash over her.

"Oh, just SAY it, Jane," Maura bursts out, tilting her head slightly so that she can look Jane in the eyes.

"What?"  
"Don't order me, Detective," Maura says, "If you'd like me to do something. If you need my _assistance,_ then you have to ask me for it."

Frost and Korsak, who had turned at the tone in Maura's voice, now turn deliberately away, both looking pointedly in different directions. Frost mutters to Korsak, and disappears around the corner. Korsak studies the molding in a doorway, clearly trying not to look as though he is listening.

Jane runs a hand through her hair, grinding her teeth. "Maura," she says, her voice both whine and growl. Three months ago, in a different life, that tone would give Maura the shivers. It would have been enough.

But now the doctor is strong enough to hold her ground. She squares her shoulders. "I am a Medical Examiner. I work on the dead. I am the queen of that particular realm, as a matter of fact. And I was under the impression that the living...that the _victims_ were your kingdom, Detective."

Jane glowers, but does not respond. Maura watches the dark eyes drop to the ground, narrowing. She steps a little closer, lowering her voice. "I do not work for you, Rizzoli, and you cannot order me about as though we are-" but Jane's eyes jump up to meet hers and she cannot continue.

She clears her throat. "If you need me to do something for you," she starts again.

"She's afraid," Jane interrupts her suddenly, and Maura takes an involuntary step back, caught off guard by the tone in the brunette's voice.

Jane balls her hands into fists, looking away. "She's afraid of me. And she won't come out. I could _do my job,_" She states pointedly, "and drag her out. But I don't want to. It wouldn't be right."

Maura waits, but Jane doesn't say anything more, just stands there, not looking at her.

Infuriating. This woman is noble and brave and beautiful and… "You are infuriating," Maura says aloud.  
Irritation flutters across Jane's face, but she doesn't take the bait. Maura is struck briefly by the idea that the last three months have changed the detective as well.

"Maura," Jane says with a sigh. "It's a kid. It's a terrified kid. Can you just-"

"Can _you _just _ask me,_ Jane?" Maura cuts in. "If it's that important to you?"

For a moment there is silence, just the sound of Frost's nervous pacing in the hallway above them. And then Jane takes a step towards her, she holds her hands out, palms up, like surrender.

"Will you please help me, Maura?" she asks, and her voice could be louder, but she's not whispering either.

"The kid is scared of me, and I don't want to drag her out. Will you _please_...help me get her out and to the EMTs."

It's heartfelt. Or it certainly sounds that way, and for a moment Maura can't do anything but stare at the woman in front of her. She would not have believed that Jane would give in.

"Yes," she says finally, watching as Jane's shoulders settle in relief. "Thank you for asking."

Jane gestures, heading back towards the stairs, still not looking at the doctor directly.

"Thank you," she says. "This way."

…

She is small and dirty, with red-blonde hair and big brown eyes. And she comes to Maura at once, sliding out from her hiding place at the back of the closet and throwing her arms around the doctor's neck.

It catches her off guard, the blatant show of affection, but she holds she girl back checking discreetly for injuries.

"Alright," she says quietly, when she can bear the hugging no longer. "Alright, darling, now stand back and let me look at you. Are you injured?"

The girl pulls back but doesn't answer, just stares. A creaking of the floorboards makes them both look around. Jane has come back to the doorway, and although her gun is now holstered, she still looks a bit fearsome.

"Hey there," she says, stepping forward. "I'm-" but she doesn't get any further. They girl turns and scampers back into the closet with a whimper.

Jane makes a disgruntled sound. Maura feels irritation well up inside of her. "Can you give us some time, Detective?" She asks.

Jane frowns, but turns on her heel without saying anything. This does not make Maura feel better.

It takes a little longer to get the girl out of the closet this time, and when she does come, she holds onto Maura's wrist so tightly it is almost painful. She is 11, maybe, Maura thinks. Short for her age, and delicate. She reminds the doctor...of herself.

"Come on, darling," she says, gathering her things. "Let's get you somewhere safe."

"The girl doesn't move, and when Maura goes to move, she holds her back by the wrist with a strength that is surprising.

"No one out there will hurt you, love," Maura says softly. "Just a ride in the ambulance. Just nice people, okay?"  
The girl doesn't answer, but she presses her free hand against Maura's chest. Hard.

Maura takes a breath. "Yes," she says quickly, and when she moves to stand, she is allowed to, though the child does not let her go. "Yes," she repeats, leading her to the door.

"I'll be right here with you."

…...

…...

"Rizzoli."

"She won't eat," Maura says, swallowing the shock she feels that Jane did not recognize her landline.

"What?" Jane sounds a bit like she's coming up from underwater. "Maura?"

"The child," Maura says anxiously, glancing over her shoulder. "She won't eat."

There is a pause on the other end of the line, and the doctor pictures Jane sitting up on the couch, tank top, sock feet, and boxers, rubbing her eyes. "Jane?" She prompts.

"When did you get licensed?" Jane asks, sounding clearer. "For foster kids?"

Maura blinks, pulled up short. "I…" she begins. "Well, I…six months, maybe? But I...I only registered as a temporary emergency option," she says finally. "Just in case we...I mean, in case something...like this ever happened."

There is more silence on the other end, and after letting it be for about twenty seconds, Maura finds she cannot let it rest.

"I didn't deliberately not tell you, Jane," she says quietly.

"I know," just as soft.

"And I would have discussed it with you if-"

"I know, Maura," Jane says quickly, and then. "So...she won't eat?"

The question brings Maura back to the present. "Correct," she says with a little head nod. She is beginning to regret her rash decision to take the child with her. If she had Jane to help her...If they were still even best friends...But... "I laid it all out in front of her, told her to help herself. She just stares at it."

"Has she said anything at all?" Jane asks.

"No," Maura replies, holding the phone away from her ear as rustling comes from the other end of the line. "Jane?"

"Sorry," Jane sounds muffled. "I lost a sock between the couch cushions...hate it when…" she disappears for a second, and Maura cannot help her smile.

"You hate it when that happens," she says absently. "I know."

"Huh?" Jane is back, sounding clearer. "Did you say something?"

"No," Maura says, "Did you locate your sock?"

"I did...look, Maur," the nickname makes Maura's eyes close. "I'm not really sure why you called me."

Maura frowns. She'd thought it was obvious. "She won't eat," she repeats.

Jane pauses, and then asks, very quietly. "And why did you call me, Doctor?"

Maura opens her mouth to tell the truth, and then closes it again.

Jane waits a beat, and then sighs. "What are you trying to feed her? Is it kid friendly?"

Maura contemplates. "I put out a plate of bread and cheeses and a really nice pate spread."

Jane snorts. "A pate...Maura…"

"What?"

"No self respecting child would ever eat pate, let alone a traumatized one in a stranger's house in the middle of the night."

Maura fires up at once. "I ate pate all the time when I was around her age, Jane, and I believe that had the normal amount of self respect for my-"

"_Maura_," Jane raises her voice, but she does not sound angry. "She's not going to eat pate."

The doctor bites her lip. "What will she eat?"

"Norm-" Jane begins, but then seems to catch herself. "Pizza," she amends. "Or chicken fingers? Turkey Sandwich? Chips?"

The doctor can feel the panic she'd kept at bay earlier beginning rise inside her again. "I don't have any of those things," she says, aware that she sounds as worried as she feels. "I don't have any of those things."

Silence again, and Maura is just about to prompt Jane again, when the detective heaves a huge sigh.

"Give me twenty minutes, Maura, okay?"

Maura stares at the baseboards, trying to make sense of this. "What?"

"Give me twenty minutes to grab some stuff, and then I'll be there, okay?"

Maura shakes her head. "I didn't ask for you-" she starts.

"I know," Jane interrupts. "Twenty minutes."

Maura puts the phone down and looks around the room. She feels unaccountably nervous. Jane Rizzoli has not been in her house in over two months. They'd fallen together that night, after Hoyt. Jane had saved her from a nightmare like they were characters in a storybook, and when she'd woken up in the detective's arms the next morning, she'd felt warm and content and happy. For the first time in her life.

But they hadn't made it.

A noise from the kitchen shakes Maura out of her thoughts, and she moves so that the little girl is in her line of vision again. She sits at the counter where Maura has left her, and as her feet swing back and forth, the toe of the right one thunks gently against the base of the counter.

"Okay," Maura says stepping towards her, and the strawberry blonde head turns jerkily towards her. Maura tries on a smile. "Okay! Good news. Remember the detective from this morning?"

The girl's hands tighten almost imperceptibly around the back of her chair.

"Oh," Maura says quickly. "No, she's not coming to take you away. And she's not as frightening as she seemed this afternoon."

Maura pulls out a second chair by the counter and sits down slowly, putting her hands up so that the child can see that she does not mean any harm. "She's actually extremely kind and caring. She is just passionate about her job. Passionate about justice."

Maura looks at the girl to see if she has understood, and finds that the deep brown eyes are trained unblinkingly on her face.

"She didn't mean to scare you," Maura reiterates. "She meant to protect you. That's just the way she is sometimes. She can be impulsive and hot headed, and her intentions and her actions well…" Maura smiles affectionately. The girl doesn't say anything.

"She's coming to bring you something to eat that you might enjoy," Maura says after a moment. "She has a knack for…kid food." Maura glances at the uneaten platter of food on the counter. "She is very good at connecting...with most everyone."

The little girl still doesn't answer, but by now Maura is not expecting her to. She glances towards the fridge, thinking absently of getting them something to drink, and sees that the last note Jane wrote her is still there, taped to the freezer side of the appliance. She'd been meaning to take that down for weeks.

_Love you beautiful. I couldn't work your stupid coffee machine extreme, so I'm running to Pete's. See you at work. _

Maura stares at the note from across the room. When it had appeared, she'd felt delighted and enthralled. After they'd broken, it had made her sad...and then angry.

Now she just stares, trying to find the appropriate name for this new emotion.

Why had they broken? Why? What had been the final straw that ended the one thing she thought she couldn't live without? When Maura thinks back, she can remember they way that they'd fought, Jane sarcastic and biting, drawing on the doctor's fears, and Maura lofty and scathing, probably doing the same thing. She remembers it could start over coffee in the morning, or dessert late at night, and either way they would both go to bed with tight jaws and racing thoughts.

Or maybe Maura had been the only one to try and quiet her tearful breathing and steady her pounding heart. The detective had always seemed to pull herself together by the time they had to show up at a crime scene, and she was able to interact in her normal joking fashion, even with Maura. But instead of putting her at ease, this made the doctor angrier. She was mad at Jane's ability to brush her feelings to the side, mad at her own inability to remain professional, mad at Frost and Korsak for their knowing, sympathetic faces. For their faces that said, _we thought this would work, too._

They'd all been wrong. And they fought twice as long after every make up.

Maura couldn't loosen up.

Jane wouldn't come out to her mother.

Maura would not abide being a secret. She would not lie.

Jane was slow to say "I love you."

Maura jumped in too quickly.

Jane would not ask for help.

Maura was too snobby.

Jane did not have enough class.

All the things that made them perfect partners...made them awful partners.

The doorbell rings, and Maura jumps, which makes the girl jump, which makes Maura jump again, having forgotten she was there.

"It's just Jane," she says unsure if it's for her benefit or the childs. She repeats herself. "It's just Jane," and she slides off the chair and hurries into the front hall. She opens the door on the detective, casually dressed in a pair of jeans and a cream colored button down shirt. She grins at Maura and holds the pizza up like she's personally caught it herself in a forest.

Maura can't help but smile back. Some things never change.

"Come in," Maura says, stepping back to let the detective in. "Thank you...for coming."

Jane looks momentarily hurt. "Sure," she says simply. "Kid's in the kitchen?"

Maura wants to kiss her. Wants to offer to take her coat. Wants to wrap her arms around the skinny waist and stand with her head against the taller woman's chest like they used to after especially stressful cases. It was when they got along the easiest, when hard cases finished successfully. Neither was interested in coming home to turn the TV on, or to bury themselves in books or work. They'd drop their coats by the door and wrap up in each other.

Just stand there and hold on.

"Yes," Maura says, holding her hand up to show the way as though Jane doesn't know the doctor's house as well as her own. "Yes. She's in the kitchen."

…...

Jane stops moving when the little girl looks up from the table, and holds out her hands, pizza box balanced on her open palm. "Hey kiddo, remember me? Different clothes and no gun this time. Just here to say hi, and bring you two some pizza." She doesn't move again until the child looks away, back down at the kitchen table. Then she steps forward and slides the pizza box onto the counter. When the girl doesn't show any fear, she flips the lid open and takes a slice for herself.

"I wanted to say sorry," she says casually, as though she and this girl are old friends, and Jane has done something to make her angry. "I'm really sorry I scared you this morning. I'm sorry that I pointed my gun at you. I didn't know who you were for a second, because of everything that was going on."

The child doesn't answer, but she lifts her head to look at Jane, eyes curious.

Jane pretends not to notice. Or maybe she truly doesn't notice, that's how at ease she seems. Maura is jealous.

"Anyway, I'm really, really glad that you are okay. And I'm really glad you agreed to come home with Maura, because she's going to take really good care of you until we can find you a safe, permanent place." Jane takes another bite of pizza and chews lazily, looking thoughtful.

"For as long as it takes," she says, and it sounds like an afterthought, but Maura knows this has been deliberate.

Jane looks down at the little girl for the first time. She smiles. "You want some pizza, honey?"  
She nudges the box a bit, and after a brief hesitation, a small hand reaches out and eases a piece of pizza out of the box.

"Good-o Sammi," Jane says with a wide grin. Both Maura and the girl look around at her, confused.

Jane looks between them. "Oh, sorry," she says. "I just...well I don't know your name. And when I was your age, my aunt would call me dearie, or sweetie, or honey." Jane makes a face. Maura sees the corner of the girl's mouth twitch. "Yeah," Jane says. "I hated it. So I gave you a name so we could avoid that."

The child frowns a bit.

"Do you not like Sammi?" Jane asks earnestly. "I can pick something else." She tosses her crust back into the box and grabs another slice, pretending to think. Maura hides a smile.

"I can throw some names out there, if you want," Jane says slowly. "You've been through hell," she dodges Maura's swat at the pseudo swear word. "And you don't want to talk," she continues. "I get that."

Silence falls, and the little girl seems to be lost in thought.

"Mary," Jane says quietly.

Slowly, the girl shakes her head.

"Nancy?"

A little smile. A head shake.

"Francesca," Maura says, and the other two turn to look at her, both with raised eyebrows.

"Really Maura?" Jane asks with a laugh.

Maura flushes, but not from embarrassment. "What? I've always thought that was a lovely name."

Jane laughs, a full, genuine laugh, and Maura wants to close her eyes.

"Darling," the detective says in a fake British accent. "Is your name by any chance New Caladonia?"

Maura opens her mouth to explain how Jane's accent and her guess are wildly inaccurate, and finds that she is laughing. They are both laughing, and when the little girl opens her mouth and says in a small but very clear voice, "My name is Abbi," Jane nods like it's no big deal, and nudges the pizza box closer to her, still chuckling.

…...

…...

"You got her to speak," Maura says, following Jane into the hallway. Jane is preparing to leave, and Maura feels the calm and contentment that had been with her for the past hour begin to evaporate.

Jane sighs and rolls her shoulders. "A name," she says. "It's a start. At least she's not afraid of me now."

Maura resists the urge to reach out and touch Jane's arm. It's not something they do anymore. "She wouldn't have been, if she'd met you under normal circumstances," Maura says, trying to sound reassuring. "Shock, especially in children, can cause a reaction that is not-"

"I know," Jane says with a tired smile. "Thanks, Maura."

The atmosphere is comfortable, the closest to normal that the doctor has felt in a while, and she allows herself to smile back, hoping she doesn't look as hopeful as she suddenly feels.

"You know, Jane...I didn't mean it today," she says. Jane raises an eyebrow. "I didn't mean what I said about how you do your job," Maura clarifies. "You are a fabulous detective."

She expects a snort or a scoff in return, but is rewarded with a bigger more genuine smile that makes her stomach flip over.

"I know," Jane replies. "I know. The whole day was just...unexpected. We were all under a lot of pressure from the get go."

"I-I should learn to be more adaptable," Maura offers, knowing that she doesn't mean just in terms of their cases.

Jane looks away. "So should I."

They fall silent again, Maura marveling at this new, seemingly changed Jane, and the detective studying the carpet very hard. She clears her throat, and Jane jumps, looking momentarily disoriented.

"Anyway," the detective says with a swipe of her hand through her hair. "She's eating now...Abbi is...so she should be okay for tomorrow too. I guess I should..."

A new fear grips Maura as Jane moves to the door. "I'll have to put her to bed," she blurts out.

Jane stops, turning to look back at her. "Yeah," she says with a grin. "Most kids I know need sleep."

Maura frowns, feeling her defenses coming back up. "Well," she says, trying to keep her voice neutral. "What...What will she require for that?"

Jane stares at her. "What will she req- Maura, she's a kid. Not a lab rat."

And just like that, they are fighting again. Maura can feel the hurt at Jane's insinuation spill over into fury. "I know, Jane," she says coldly. "But as you well know, I would feel more comfortable with a lab rat than a child, so if you are not going to stay, I would _appreciate _it if you would please explain to me how to put Abbi to bed so that she does not feel lonely or scare or uncomfor-"

"Typical," Jane cuts her off, voice rising. "This is so typical."

Maura nearly sees red. "_Yes!_" she hisses. "It's just _so _predictable that Doctor Maura Isles, Ice Queen, doesn't know how to take care of one simple, frightened-"

"Not that you stupid genius," Jane yells. "I'm not talking…" she shakes her head furiously. "You want me to _stay_! You want me to stay and help you, Maura. But you won't ask. You're too proud to ask the same way that I am too proud to ask...but somehow, when I won't, the _world_ has to end."

Maura's retort is lost as something crashes to the floor in the kitchen.

They both run around the corner to the kitchen to find Abbi's chair, empty and on its side. Abbi is nowhere to be seen.

Maura looks at Jane with wide eyes, and the detective raises her eyebrows like, _well?_

"Abbi?" Maura calls tentatively. "Where did you go, darling?"

No answer. Maura looks at Jane again, who gestures to the room. Maura steps forward into the kitchen, and her change in view reveals one small shoe sticking out from the space under the kitchen table.

"Oh, Abbi," She says, feeling a lump in her throat. "Did we scare you?" She approaches the table, and kneels down, coming level with a pale little face. "I'm so sorry," she says quietly. "That was very, very rude of us...to argue so loudly."

Abbi says nothing, but she pulls her knees up to her chest, taking a deep breath.

"Will you...come out please? We promise we are done. We promise not to fight anymore."

"No yelling," Abbi whispers. "Please."

She starts to crawl forward, and instinctually, Maura holds out her arms, not knowing quite what to expect.

Abbi collapses into them like she's been doing it her whole life, and when Maura turns to look at Jane, she sees her own shock and confusion reflected back at her.

"Maura?" Abbi's voice is by her ear.

"Yes."

"Is what she said true? As long as it takes?"

Maura nods. "Yes," she says firmly. "As long as it takes."

…

…

"Alright, well," Jane looks like she wants to disappear before another fight breaks out. "I'll see you tomorrow, Maura," she says, and she turns once again to the door.

But seeing her so warm and caring towards Abbi, and feeling them so close and united in their goal, has had an effect on the doctor. This time, she reaches out and takes Jane's arm, firmly enough to stop her.

"What has happened to us, Jane?" she asks softly. "Is this who we are now?"

Jane doesn't turn around. Her shoulders sag. "God," she whispers. "I hope not. I hate this person more than I hate giving up...or giving in."

Maura squeezes Jane's uninjured shoulder in an attempt to get her to turn around. "Is that how you see it? When we compromise? Or help each other? It felt like giving up? Or...giving in?" The idea makes Maura profoundly sad.

Jane glances over her shoulder, and then away, looking pained. "I don't know, Maura. I don't...don't look at me like that. I just know that a lot of the time...I felt." She makes a vague gesture with her hands. "I felt…"

Maura braces herself. _Trapped, angry, frustrated. _"Say it," she says.

Jane lets out a huge breath. "Guilty," she says finally.

This is not what Maura was expecting at all. "Guilty?"

"Yes," Jane rushes on, looking like a twenty pound weight has been lifted off her shoulders. "God, I just felt so guilty, Maur."

The nickname rushes through the doctor like caffeine. Making her breathless.

"Why?"

"I...I felt like we got together and then all I did was hold you back. You wanted to go out, you wanted to move in together...And I...I couldn't. I felt. I was…" Jane seems to search the air around them for the words for a moment before giving up. "Here's this brilliant, sexy, beautiful medical examiner," Jane says, sounding defeated. "Here's this woman who could have anyone in the entire world. And she chooses-"  
"A detective who is just as brilliant, just as beautiful, and although she'd hate to hear it, just as sexy…" Jane makes a face and Maura laughs. In the living room, they hear Abbi laugh softly at something on the TV. Jane tries to smile, but it comes out a little bit like a grimace.

"I felt guilty. Then I'd get mad...lash out...feel guilty."

Maura nods, "I see. A vicious circle."

"Cycle. Yeah."

The canned TV laugh track starts up from the living room, underscored by Abbi's soft laugh once more, and Maura and Jane smile at each other for a brief moment, before Maura looks down at her hands, knotted by her waist.

"Jane. Would...I mean. Do you think that. I...It would mean a lot if-"

But Jane chuckles and steps forward, away from the door. Towards the doctor.

"Maur," she says. "Just ask."


	2. Chapter 2

_Jane stays the night. And then the next. On the third day she goes home early from work and then arrives at Maura's house later that evening, duffel bag over her shoulder, Jo Friday dancing around her feet. She moves into Maura's downstairs guest room, and all of a sudden, the doctor's life is full. _

_Maura has asked her to stay and help, and Jane rises above all of her expectations. She comes home early from the precinct. She makes gentle suggestions while reading over Maura's planned menu. She makes Abbi laugh to ward off a panic attack. _

_Jane and Abbi fill Maura's house so completely that, rather against her will, she finds herself wishing that the arrangement could continue forever. _

_Is her work slipping? Do her coworkers notice? Does Susie Chang look at her oddly when she catches her whistling during and autopsy? _

_Who cares? How could she care when there are animal shaped fruit snacks to buy and a tiny jacket to zip up? How could she not whistle in the morning when the night before was spent in the company of a beautiful, enthusiastic detective who yelled at baseball players on TV like they could hear her, and a timid, affectionate child who held her hand on the way up the stairs to bed. _

_Maura did not want any of it to end, and she wished every night, as she slid between the sheets of her bed, for a miracle. _

...

"Abigail Coleman, age eleven," Maura says, looking up as Jane cross the threshold into her office.

"They came already?"

"I have a contact at DFS who was able to push it through." Maura watches Jane take her normal seat in her office and then looks away, trying to remember the last time the detective occupied it.

"You want her out that bad?" Jane asks.

Maura's head snaps back around. "No!" She says, shocked. "Of course I don't want her out, Jane! That's a horrible thing to-"

But Jane puts both her hands out, eyes wide. "Maura, it was a joke," she says quickly. "It was just a joke. Relax."

Maura takes a deep breath, letting it out.

"I'm sorry," Jane says quietly. "It was just…"

"I'm sorry too," Maura says with a wave of her hand. "I'm out of practice, you know…" She pauses and chances a look up into the detective's face. She tries out a smile. "Your brand of humor, Jane...I'm out of practice."

Jane doesn't answer, and for a moment, her shoulders sag. But then she seems to pull herself together, looking up at the doctor with what appears to be a genuine smile.

"So...Abbi," she says, and Maura looks back down at the file on her desk.

"Yes, Abbi," she says. "Coleman. Daughter of Jerred and Kally Coleman. Age eleven and seven months, only child."

"The dental records match?"

"They do."

Jane nods, running a hand through her hair. "Family?"

Maura wills her voice to stay steady as she responds, hating herself for wishing she could give another answer. "Yes. Her father has a sister. Frost is trying to track them down now."

Jane frowns. "Her father is the d-bag that orphaned her in the first place," she says. "Why would we want to track down his sister?"

Maura tries to look as though she hasn't been asking herself a variance of this question all morning. "Because, Jane, studies show that children who grow up with a blood relative in the absence of biological parents, especially in the wake of traumatic-"

But Jane shakes her head, looking disgruntled. "She could be bad news," she says.

"Yes," Maura concedes. "But Abbi deserves the chance to be with family. Where would she go otherwise?"

Jane looks confused. "She'd stay with you," she says like this is obvious. And when Maura starts to sputter, she continues. "C'mon, Maura. You can't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind. Are you telling me it hasn't been nice to have Abbi around for the last couple of weeks? You _haven't_ liked cooking for her, and making sure she's safe in bed, and-"

"Enough," Maura says, realizing that emotion makes her sound harsh. "Yes," she says, a bit softer. "Of course I've enjoyed having her around. But I'm not equipped to handle a child."

"You've been doing great this whole time," Jane counters.

"Only because of you," Maura says without thinking. "I couldn't have done it without you."

Jane blinks, her expression hard to read. "A couple of grilled cheeses," she mutters.

"It's been more than that," Maura insists. "You've been..I mean, while she's been here…" She searches for the correct words to explain what the past few weeks have felt like for her.

"It's been nice for me too, Maur," Jane says softly, but when she reaches across the desk for Maura's hand, the doctor pulls away, masking her fear with professionalism.

"I should call the aunt," she says, reaching for the phone, ignoring how stung Jane looks. "Now that we have the information, we shouldn't hesitate."

"Even if we want to?" Jane mutters.

"It wouldn't be right," Maura says without looking at her. "I would be unethical."

"It's not like anyone's looking for her," Jane says, a little louder.

"We don't know that," Maura says reasonably.

Jane snorts, "If Frankie or Tommy went missing? Not to mention their wife and child? I'm painting the city with flyers, and talking to everyone who ever even looked at any of them."

Maura can't help her smile. "I know you would, Jane, but everyone is so…"

"Committed to their family?" Jane holds out her hands. "I know. Which is why I don't know why we're so gung ho to call the sister of a guy who just ruined this kid's life."

"We don't know anything about this woman. Can you at least give me like 24 hours to-"  
"No, Jane! I know who she is and I have a responsibility to carry out-"

"She's a kid, Maura."

"She belongs with her _blood_, detective," Maura says, her voice rising to meet Jane's. "She belongs with the people who look like her and are truly related to her, and I will not be responsible for keeping her from that."

"Maura," Jane's voice is too understanding.

"No," she says, turning away as the brunette starts to approach her. "No. I'm not going to do this here. God! How is it you can always do this to me?"

"Do…"

"Make me feel so…"

"Human?" It is a dig, and Jane looks as though she instantly regrets it. She puts up her hands, shaking her head before Maura can even find the indignation necessary to respond.

"I didn't mean that," she says quickly. "I didn't mean it the way it came out, Maura. I just meant that...you are allowed to feel something for this child. She's been here three weeks. You're allowed to want her to stay."

Maura shakes her head. "Not here," she says firmly. "Here I have to do my job." She looks up at Jane, who is staring back at her, her expression a mixture of hurt and anger. Maura swallows her apology.

"If you'll excuse me, detective," she says curtly, and she sits down in her chair, spinning deliberately away, so that she can't see Jane leave and so Jane can't see the tears in her eyes.

As soon as she hears the door click shut, she leans forward and picks up the telephone, dialing the number on her legal pad before she can lose her nerve.

"Coleman - Lane residence," A heavily accented voice picks up on the fourth ring.

"This is Dr. Maura Isles calling for an Anja Coleman," she says, in her most professional voice. "It's regarding her brother, Jerred."

"Momento," the voice says, and in the background, Maura can hear children yelling. She wonders if Abbi has cousins near her age. She allows herself a moment to hope that if she does have cousins, they will become like her sisters.

"Hello?" A woman's voice comes on the line. "Hello? What's he done this time. If he's in jail again, I'm not bailing him out. He's taken enough of my money already, and this is where I draw the line."

Maura clears her throat, and gives herself a little shake. This is her job.

"Mrs. Coleman?" "  
Coleman-Lane. Who is this?"

"This is Dr. Maura Isles. I'm the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I'm calling because-"

"Is he dead?" The woman sounds completely uninterested. "He's dead isn't he."

Maura blinks. "He...is, yes. I'm sorry for-"

"Liver?" She asks curtly. "If you're calling me to see what to do with the body, I don't care. We haven't spoken in over a decade. He's not my family as far as I'm concerned. So you can save it for experiments or-"

"No, no, Mrs. Coleman-Lane, I think you've misunderstood," she says, raising her voice to get the woman's attention. "I'm not calling about your brother's body, although you will need to make arrangements for that," she pauses, and for the first time, the woman doesn't answer.

Maura takes a steadying breath. "I'm calling because your brother has left behind a child."

Silence. Maura waits, but it is as though the line has gone dead. "Mrs. Lane?"

"Where's its mother?" She finally asks, sounding argumentative.

"_Her_ mother is deceased as well. We've looked into her records, Mrs. Lane and you are her closest family...Her _only_ family."

More silence. In the background, a child - Maura guesses a boy - yells "Hey! I got you!" and Mrs. Coleman-Lane moves her mouth away from the phone to yell, "Joshua Prince, I swear to GOD!"

Maura frowns. "Mrs. Lane?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'm still here...You're sure?"

"Sure of what?" Maura asks, thrown.

"I'm the only family she has?"

"Yes. I am positive."

"And I suppose you already checked that it's his kid. How old did you say?"

"She's eleven," Maura says, fighting the squirm of anger in her chest. "And yes, DNA results conclusively show that-"

"Alright, alright...how long do I have to come get her? Before you, what's it called, turn her over to the state."  
Maura hesitates. "When can you come?" She asks finally, and then can't help but amending that to, "when can you come and pick up your niece?"

The woman lets out a breath, like Maura is asking too much of her. "Friday," she says finally. "I can be there Friday, by noon. I'll have to take a train up from Richmond. I doubt I can find any flight that is reasonable at this point."

"I'll let Abbi know."

"Abbi?"

Maura nearly screams. "Your niece? I'll let her know you're coming."

"If my brother was still a smoker, don't bother packing her clothes," Mrs. Coleman-Lane says, and then she disconnects without saying good-bye.

Maura puts the phone down and leans back in her chair, trying to quell the tide of fury and devastation rising inside of her.

Her cell phone lights up, sliding along the table in the custom made long short long buzz that the detective made herself. She turns the phone over and slides it open to reveal the text.

_**Someone cannot wait to see you. **_

Underneath that is a picture of Jane and Abbi, both making funny faces at the phone, sitting in Jane's cruiser. For a second, Maura just stares at their faces, adoring them. _Someone cannot wait to see you. _Which one of them? Both look equally happy. Both look completely at ease, sending her this picture as though she is…what? Abbi's parent? Jane's-

_**Be down in five**_**. **A new text tells her, and she stands abruptly and presses the heels of her hands to her eyes.

"This is your job," she says to the empty office. "What happens when you mix leisure and work?"

She can hear her mother's voice in her head so clearly that she doesn't need to respond.

_It ends in tears, Maura. Just ask your father. Oh, that's right. He isn't here. _

Maura opens her eyes and looks around her office, gathering herself. She swipes the phone unlocked and takes a deep breath.

_**I'll be here.**_

…

…...

Anja Coleman-Lane arrives at the precinct in a Limo. She is fifteen minutes late, but as she takes Jane's hand, she gives off the impression that her time is already being wasted.

"I knew I'd get this call," she says, sounding disinterested. "I always knew this day would come."

Abbi's hand tightens in Maura's.

"I'm very sorry for your loss," Jane says automatically. "Why don't we-"  
"It's not a loss. It was a matter of time. The alcohol took my brother long before you did, detective. There is no reason for apologies."

"Taking a life is never the intention of the police," Jane says carefully. Maura notices that even though her voice stays neutral, a muscle jumps in her jaw, giving her away. "Especially when it has repercussions like this."

"Well, if he was a wifebeater and a drunk, I don't see how-"

"I'm Detective Rizzoli," Jane cuts in, stepping forward, the comforting, sympathetic face that she usually wears for the family of victims has slipped into something a little harder. "And this is Dr. Maura Isles, our Chief Medical Examiner, your brother's child has been staying with her while we located you," she pauses, stepping to the side a little to reveal the child, nearly hidden behind Maura now. "And this is Abbi," she says. "Your niece."

Anja regards Abbi for a long moment, and Maura feels the little girl try to straighten her shoulders surreptitiously under the appraising stare.

"Well, you're not much to look at," Anja says with a sigh. "You look a lot like my brother. But that can't be helped, and I don't expect you've had much of an upbringing."  
Jane and Maura are both stunned into shocked silence, and it is lucky for both of them that Jane regains her speech before the doctor does.

"Why don't you and I find somewhere to speak privately," she says, and her expression is stony. "There's several things we need to cover...Maura?"

Maura pulls Abbi to her side, sliding her arm up and around the little shoulders. "We'll wait in my office. Won't we, honey," she says, throwing a look at Jane that she hopes is understood.

Jane nods, and turns her gaze back to Abbi's aunt. "Yes, she says. That sounds good."

Maura watches as Jane leads Anja away, and by her side, Abbi sighs so deeply that it sways the doctor a little on her feet.

"C'mon darling," Maura says. "Let's go."

...

"I don't think she likes me," Abbi says, sinking down into the chair by the desk as Maura shuts the office door behind them.

Maura turns to face her, frowning. "Why do you think that?" she asks, although she knows the answer. She'd felt the same way. "She doesn't even know you," she says, when Abbi doesn't answer. "She's probably, a bit shocked. It's a lot of information to take in at once."

Abbi leans over in her seat to pick at her shoelaces. Maura resists the urge to tell her sit up straight. "Dad never talked about her very much," she tells her shoes. "And when he did he called her bad names. He said that she was stuck up," Abbi looks up into Maura's face, "and the b-word," she says.

Maura takes a moment to consider this information, moving to sit in the chair across from the little girl.

"That doesn't necessarily mean that she won't-"

"He's a murderer," Abbi interrupts her, and her dark eyes are a little wet, and mostly angry. "Just because he is dead doesn't change that. He always said she'd never want anything to do with us." She scoots the edge of her seat and reaches out to grasp Maura's hand. "She didn't look happy to see me, did she Maura? Don't LIE!" She cries, as Maura opens her mouth to speak. "Don't lie about it!"

"I couldn't," Maura says honestly. "I wouldn't lie about it, Abbi, let me speak. Please."

Abbi falls silent, her little shoulders heaving. Maura takes her hand in both her own.

"No," she says finally, "she didn't look happy to be here."

Abbi sighs heavily, her eyes welling up again, and Maura rushes to continue. "But I don't believe that that means that she is unhappy about _you_ Abbi...No, listen," she says, because the little girl has shaken her head, and made to pull away. "Listen to me...sometimes, the past influences our present behavior, whether we want it to or not."

Abbi looks up at her, confused.

Maura squeezes her hand gently. "For example, do you remember last week, Friday night, when you had that nightmare?"

Abbi nods, suppressing a shudder.

"I heard you wake up," Maura admits. "I heard you call out. I was right down the hall from you. But it was Jane who came to make sure you are okay, and tuck you back in, remember?"

Abbi nods again, looking confused and a little upset. "Why didn't you come to check on me?" she asks after a moment. "Is it because you don't like me?"

Maura shakes her head quickly. "No!" she says firmly. "No, not at all. I care about you very much, Abbi, and I wanted more than anything to come down the hall and comfort you." She pauses, trying to gather her courage. "But...I didn't know how," she says quietly, feeling her cheeks flush.

"Huh?"

"My own parents - while they loved me very much - were not ever very affectionate. And although I can understand on a logical level that it is not indicative of how much they cared, and even though I might not want to repeat that behavior in my own life...sometimes I simply cannot help it." She tilts her head so that she can look into Abbi's eyes. "Do you understand?"

Abbi nods slowly. "I think so," she says. "It's the difference between your heart and your head?"

Maura lets out a relieved breath. "Yes," she answers. "Whatever happened between your father and your aunt, that has nothing to do with you, honey. Can you believe that? And it might take her a little bit to...come around, but I believe that she can. If you give her a chance."

Abbi doesn't answer for a little bit. They sit there together in silence, still holding hands, until finally the girl stands up. Maura sits back, eyebrows raised.  
"Jane's always putting her hand on my shoulder, or nudging me after a joke. She does it because she grew up with it. But you didn't."  
Maura nods, wondering where this is headed. "How we behave as adults is dictated by how we were taught as children," she confirms, "more than we want to admit, I believe."

Abbi pauses for a brief moment and then she seems to make up her mind. She steps forward, and puts her arms around Maura's neck. When the doctor hugs her back, Abbi climbs up, into her lap, sitting sideways so she can put her head in the bend of Maura's neck.

"When we were sad, Mommy and I used to hug like this," she says quietly. Maura swallows and tries to speak, but nothing comes out of her mouth.

"I can tell you don't maybe like to be touched," she says softly. "But...I saw how sometimes, Jane would touch your shoulder like she did me, and you would smile...do it back a little later...so...I thought...maybe it is learnable."

Maura can only nod. Abbi holds her a little tighter. "I'm gonna miss you a whole bunch, Maura," she whispers. "But...maybe you can remember this from me. When you are sad."

Maura shuts her eyes, but even with them closed she is still crying. She is crying and she does not feel ashamed about it at all. "I am going to miss you too," she says. "It has been...beyond enjoyable having you stay with me. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met."

Abbi shivers against her shoulder. "Can we just stay like this a little bit longer?"

Maura nods, her hand rubbing circles on the little girl's back instinctually.

"As long as you want."

…

…

Anja returns to Virginia with her niece in tow.

Jane moves out of Maura's downstairs guest room.

Everything goes back to normal.

But Maura is changed.

For three weeks, the doctor works tirelessly. They catch a case that takes them four days to solve, a new personal best for the team, and it is all thanks to Maura's overtime in the lab. Jane puts her hand on Maura's arm when she announces to the bullpen that she's secured a confession.

"It's thanks to you, Maura," she says, giving the medical examiner a little tug. Since Abbi's departure, the detective has been dropping hints obvious to even Maura. Now, she is offering a hug, closeness, celebration.

Maura smiles in what she hopes is a congratulatory but professional way. She steps away from Jane, and her invitation.

"Thank you," she says, ignoring the way Frost and Korsak exchange looks. "I'll-I will see you both tomorrow, if we don't get called in."

She hears Jane sigh as she retreats down the hallway to the elevator.

"You gonna keep on, Janie?" She hears Korsak ask. "Still?"

Maura punches the 'door close' button on the elevator, and the door slides shut before she can hear Jane respond.

But she gets her answer that night, when Jane arrives on her front step, stepping into the front hall as soon as Maura opens the door.

"Jane!" She says, surprised and not surprised. "What-"

"You're ducking me," Jane says, sounding more desperate than angry. "Admit that you're ducking me."

Maura feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath her. Isn't it always like that when Jane is nearby? "I don't-" She begins.

"Admit that things were great with Abbi, and we worked really well together and that this-" She reaches out and pulls Maura into her arms, "feels _really_ fucking good."

Maura lets out a breath that is more like a swoon. Jane's arms feel right.

"We can't do this," Maura says, even as she leans into Jane's embrace. Jane's fingers trace the curve of her jaw. "We can't do this...again," she repeats, trying to fight the swoop of her stomach. "_Jane._"

Jane pulls away, breathing heavily, her expression full of want.

"What?" She asks, looking irritated.

"We can't," Maura says again, trying to pull herself together.

Jane leans in again. "We can," she says, with a devilish grin. "We definitely can."

"No!" Maura pushes Jane away, and this time she disengages fully, stepping back and rolling her shoulders, trying to release tension. "I can't," Maura says. "I mean that _I _can't do this all over, Jane. Not if it's just going to end in...in…" but again she finds herself at a loss again. The absence of vocabulary makes her feel angry and vulnerable. It is Jane that makes her feel that way. Only Jane.

"We could make it work," Jane says, stepping closer again. "We made it work all last week. and the week before." She waits, but when Maura doesn't say anything, she sighs. "We can, Maura...I know we could. I love you."

The words make her heart leap into her throat. There is no other way to describe that feeling. Jane says that she loves her, and the doctor's heart is in her throat.

"You can't say that...now," she murmurs. "You can't say that now and manipulate me in that way."

Jane looks like she's been punched. "_Manipulate_ you!?" She stares at Maura like she's never seen her before. "Maura, that's how I _feel_. How is telling you how I feel _manipulating _you?"  
Maura turns away from her, unable to look into those hurt brown eyes any longer. "You say these things every time. You say love me, but you know I'm vulnerable after Abbi. Just like you knew I was vulnerable after H-"

"Maura," a warning and a plea. Maura can feel the tenderness of the previous moment start to fading away.

"You say you love me and I say I love you and we end up in bed together and for one night or three nights, it's wonderful and magical and then…"

Jane nods, looking encouraging. "And then _what_, Maura? What happens? I never know. What happens after that third day that makes you realize we're 'not working?'" Jane's air quotes are like tiny slaps to Maura's ego, and the doctor can feel her anger rising.  
"It gets _messy_," she says desperately. "Then suddenly it isn't just I love you and you love me. It's how do we tell your mother, and what will our colleagues think about the two of us together and _together?_ You...wanted to live with me, but you wouldn't get rid of your apartment. You...wouldn't talk to me about the cases that hurt you, even though I could see that they did. The McLoughlin case had you up for 72 hours, Jane, and you wouldn't say a word about it. You just wanted...you just-"

"Wanted you to _hold _me?" Jane's voice is constricted.

"Wanted me to have sex with you."

"It made me _feel better,_ Maura!"

"Well it made _me _feel like a prostitute."

Silence. Maura had not realized the depth of her feelings until they were spilling out of her mouth. She doesn't dare look up at Jane. She can't bear to see what her words have done. She puts her hands to her hair, a nervous gesture learned from her mother, after biting her nails was forbidden.

"I-" she begins, "look….Jane-"

But Jane cuts her off, her voice low and angry. "Life. Is messy," she says. "Maura, life - especially with another person - is messy as hell. I...I was never looking for anything easy and clean. I was looking for something with you, because youare worth it. Do you not get that?"

Maura shakes her head, not trusting herself to speak. Jane sighs.

"Relationships can't be perfect. You can't expect...you can't expect everything in our lives to just go perfectly together simply because we wish it to be so."

Maura takes a deep, shuddering breath, hoping it will give her courage. "You...wouldn't get rid of your apartment," she says.

"I wanted to sublet so I could contribute here. _And,_" Jane raises her voice a little as Maura opens her mouth. "And...I thought if that didn't work, Ma could move out of your guest house and in there...you know, to give us more privacy."

Maura stares for a moment at the brunette, trying to read her. "You never said anything," she says.

"You never asked," Jane counters immediately.

Maura colors. "That's not an excuse."

"You're right," Jane says quietly.

Maura doesn't hear her at first. "That's not an excuse, Jane," she repeats, "And what about-" but then Jane's agreement filters through her mind, and she pulls up abruptly. "What?"

Jane sighs. "You're right, Maura. It's not an excuse. I wouldn't talk to you after hard cases, and I wouldn't talk to Ma about us...and I have tons of reasons, Maur, but none of them are decent excuses." She runs a hand through her hair, leaning back against the counter, clearly gathering her thoughts.

"I wanted you for so long. I'd wanted to kiss you for so, so long, Maura. And then to hear that you wanted that too?" She smiles and shakes her head, some of her hair falling back into her face. "God," she says softly, "It was amazing. It was an amazing feeling. But...the morning after our first night together, we were in my apartment and - do you remember what you said?"

Maura tries to think back. "I...we made coffee?"

Jane grins. "Yeah, sort of. I get up, and you're in the kitchen. And the first thing you say to me is that the next time we have 'intercourse' it should be in your house."

Maura blinks, remembering. "I did not enjoy your shower."

"And my coffee?" Jane presses

"Not as full bodied as the kind I can make in my own home."

Jane nods, "I get out of bed the day after all my dreams have come true, and the first thing you say is that there are aspects of my life that you dislike. The first thing you say is-"

"I can fix them," Maura says, suddenly remembering. "I...Oh, Jane." Maura takes a step forward, but Jane holds her hands up.

"It's not an excuse either, Maura, because I'm an adult and I should have talked to you about how it felt...how it continued to feel...but I didn't. And it kept on."

They stand there looking at each other, and finally Maura reaches out for jane's hand, and the detective gives it to her without hesitation. It reminds her of what Abbi told her, the day that she left.

_You would do it back...so it's learnable._

"Don't cry," Jane says softly. She uses her free hand to tilt Maura's head back so that they are looking at each other. "Please don't cry, Maura."

"I'm not good at this, Jane," she says, sounding tearful. "All my life, I-I've worked to have order. And you are decidedly…"

"Disorderly," Jane fills in with a slight grin.

Maura nods. She takes Jane's hand and presses it to her face and then to her heart. "But I love you so much. I love you so much, Jane and I can't-" but Jane kisses her before she can finish, wrapping her arms around Maura's waist and pulling her close.

"I'm sorry," Maura says, between Jane's insistent kisses. "I'm so-"

"Shh," Jane says. "It's going to be okay."

"I miss her," Maura says, her emotions running together. "I...I felt different when she was here. Better."

Jane's arms tighten around her. "You're wonderful," she says, her lips against Maura's ear.

"You're everything."

They are still holding onto each other fifteen minutes later when the doorbell rings. Maura has been murmuring nonsense against Jane's shoulder, her fears and worries and desires, and when the doorbell rings, she pulls away slowly and turns her red eyes towards the front hall.

"Maybe it's my Ma?" Jane pulls back too, looking a bit dazed.

"She never rings the bell," Maura says, and Jane chuckles.

"Can we ignore-" she begins, but the doorbell rings again, twice in quick succession. Jane smiles again. "Ah, apparently not."

"I'll get it," she says, stepping out of Jane's arms. "I can't imagine who…"

She hurries into the front hall, and pulls the door open, intent on nothing but disposing of the intruder and reinserting herself into Jane's arms.  
But that desire is wiped cleanly from her mind when a small light haired blur throws itself into Maura's arms the minute she opens the door.

"Please don't send me back," the blur cries. "_Please_. I want to stay here. Maura. Please!"

Her body catching up with the situation, Maura feels her arms close around the skinny little frame of their own volition. She blinks over the little girl's head, out into dark deserted street in front of her house, trying to speak through her shock.

"Abbi!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Alright, that's the bell. You all know the homework, and I trust you've all copied it into your assignment books. It is up on the board all day people, so you really have no excuse not to turn it in tomorrow," Ms. McClellan raises her voice as the children jump to their feet, anxious to go to lunch and recess. Maura closes her books slowly, wishing that this period could go on forever._

"_Maura,"Ms. McClellan's voice cuts through the other noises like a beam of light, and Maura looks up, her heart catching in her throat._

"_Yes ma'am?" her voice is too high, and she flushes._

_Ms. McClellan's face softens a bit. "Can I see you for a moment, please?"_

_Maura nods, and as the other kids file out around her, laughing and jostling, she stays in her seat, hands folded in her lap, staring at the wood of her desk._

_How long has she had a crush on Ms. McClellan? She can't remember the exact moment that respect turned into awe, which blossomed into infatuation. She remembers that first dream though, three days shy of her 16th birthday. She remembers waking breathless, aching, unable to calm the fierce pounding of her heart. She had realized, as Ms. McClellan had shut the door on their classroom, and smiled around at all of them, that in the dream it had been her lips on Maura's. It had been her teacher's hands in her hair._

_She'd buried her head in her textbook that day, and she also remembers it as the only day she'd answered a question wrong._

_Maura is blonde and small for sixteen. She hears snippets of her classmates' conversations in the bathrooms and halls between classes. When they talk about her, they call her "hot but too bad she's an ice queen" they say, "I'd bang her if she'd put some make up on." The girls give her side eye, and in the locker rooms before gym they say "she's definitely a virgin. Look at her."_

_Her mother calls her petite, tells her she is lucky to have such a delicate stature, that men will fall all over themselves for her. Maura doesn't ask what women will think of her frame. It would be an admission that she's not sure she's ready to make. After all, she is not attracted to women. She is attracted to one woman: her Organic Chemistry teacher, Meg McClellan._

"_Maura?"Ms. McClellan's voice very nearby makes Maura look up jerkily. Her teacher is sitting in the desk in front of her, watching her carefully, her expression just out of the depth of Maura's understanding._

"_Yes, Ma'am?" Maura says, lifting her eyes as high as the woman's chin._

"_Do you know why I wanted to talk to you?"_

_Maura shakes her head, dropping her eyes back down to the desk. "Did I do poorly on the test?"she asks lamely. She knows that there is no way she could have done poorly on the test._

"_No," Ms. McClellan says quickly. "You did spectacularly on the test, Maura. You might have a better grasp of Organic Chemistry than even I do."_

_Maura shakes her head, unwilling to even consider that fact._

"_No," her teacher continues. "It's about…well, it's about parent days."_

_Maura's head snaps up. "What about them?" she asks, feeling dread seep into her stomach._

"_You told me your mother would be attending," her teacher says gently. "She'd missed the conferences in October and the open house in January. I very much wanted to meet her, and you assured me that-"_

"_Is it because I've done something wrong?" Maura blurts out, and when she realizes she's interrupted, a wave of nausea courses through her. "I'm sorry," she says quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"_

_But Ms. McClellan reaches out and takes her hand, and any thought of finishing the sentence is wiped from Maura's head._

"_You're not in trouble, honey," she says gently, and although Maura is sure that the endearment has just slipped out, but she holds onto it like it will save her life. "There is no way you could be," Ms. McClellan continues, "I just…I worry."_

_And this time Maura does look into her teacher's face. "You're worried…about me?"she asks._

_Ms. McClellan hesitates, considering._

"_Yes," she says finally, and Maura feels herself become tearful instantly. "No," her teacher says quickly. "No, Maura, listen. I worry about you because you don't seem to be engaging. Your class work is stellar, and not just in Chem. You have the highest grade point average in your grade, and you have the most consistent work in the school. But you sit alone every day at lunch, and you don't seem to…want to engage with your peers."_

_Maura keeps her mouth clamped shut. She does not say that it is her peers who do not want to engage with her. Ms. McClellan has been watching her. She feels hope flutter in her chest like butterfly wings._

"_And now," Ms. McClellan says, "it seems as though you're deliberately keeping your mother away."_

_Maura shakes her head vigorously. "No!"_

"_You told me that you spoke to her about parent days, and that she was looking forward to meeting me. Is that the truth?"_

_Maura can't breathe. She feels feverish and itchy. She shakes her head. "No," she whispers. She can't look up at her teacher._

"_Why did you lie?" Ms. McClellan asks quietly._

"_I didn't want to disappoint you," Maura says quickly. And she looks up at the woman in front of her, deciding that she will tell the truth now. That she will tell the truth always._

"_I would do anything to make you happy," Maura confesses, and though admitting this lifts the weight of the lie off her chest, the look on her teachers face threatens to sink her again. "I didn't mean to lie to you," She says, and when she looks down at her desk again, a tear falls onto the shiny lacquered wood._

_Ms. McClellan "The truth is a very important thing, Maura, you know? Not just being truthful to others but…you know…being truthful to ourselves as well."_

_Maura nods, the lump in her throat making it too hard to speak. This is rejection, pure and simple. The ache radiates out from her chest like sound waves._

_If she had just smiled through the hurt of honesty, if she had just said something like, my mother is away on business a lot. She won't be able to make it._

_How hard would it have been to say something like that?_

"_You are a bright, talented, wonderful young woman," Ms. McClellan is saying, and Maura realizes, with a wave of something like relief, that she has missed most of the woman's gentle redirection. "It is okay…to feel…whatever it is you feel. Alright?"_

_Maura nods again._

"_You mustn't hide yourself away. There's no need for it."_

_She doesn't touch Maura again, because she knows it will mean something different to both of them, but she smiles, and she tells Maura that she is welcome in her classroom any time._

"_Be honest, Maura Isles," Ms. McClellan says as Maura heads towards the door. "With others and with yourself. That's how you'll get the most out of life."_

_Maura's heart is not so broken that it cannot absorb this advice._

…

…

"She's asleep." Jane stands in the doorway between the hallway and the living room, watching Maura's face carefully.

The doctor shakes her head, not meeting Jane's eyes. "Did she say anything about how she got here?"

"She hitchhiked out of Virginia," Jane says, nodding in agreement at Maura's gasp of shock. "Yeah. And some kind soul bought her a train ticket out of Philly. Didn't have the decency to call the cops I guess."

"She could have been killed," Maura says quietly.

"Or worse," Jane agrees. "But she was too exhausted to be yelled at tonight. We can do it in the morning."

Maura looks up. "We?"

Jane blinks. "Or you," she says, "if you'd rather I didn't-"

"No!" Maura holds out her hands and then drops them into her lap, embarrassed. But Jane accepts the invitation and comes into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to the doctor. Maura doesn't move to touch her. She can't make herself.

"Okay," the detective says. She sits for a moment in silence, and then, "do you want me to go?" she asks quietly.

Maura makes a movement with her head and shoulders that she knows is unreadable. She isn't sure what she wants.

"Okay," Jane says, standing slowly. "Well, this doesn't change anything for me," she says, looking back down at the doctor. "I meant all the things that I said when I showed up here tonight, and Abbi being back does not change any of it."

She waits, but Maura doesn't answer.

"I…" Jane takes a breath. "I'd really like to stay," she whispers, "if it's okay with you."

Maura lowers her head, hoping to hide the tears in her eyes. Everyone is capable of change except for her. It had felt so possible, just three hours ago. Loving Jane, being with her completely, had felt so possible.

"Okay," Jane says, her voice low. Taking Maura's silence as her answer. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll bring the paperwork from the Eddy's case down to your office when it comes in."

She turns, and strides from the living room, and Maura sits frozen until she hears the door pulling open, and then she jumps from the couch and runs out into the hall.

She catches Jane's elbow, pulling her back inside.

"Maur-" Jane gets half of her exclamation out before Maura is pressing their lips together, reaching out blindly to shut the open door.

"No," she says desperately between kisses. "No." But she can't bring herself to ask Jane to stay, so she just presses the brunette back against the wall of the front hall, and works on pulling her shirt out of her pants.

They both moan when Maura's hands touch the warm skin of Jane's stomach, and Maura pulls away from the detective's lips in order to press kisses to her jaw, her neck, her throat.

Contact.

"Maura," Jane says, sounding far away. "This wasn't what I meant when I – oh!"

"This is where we would have found ourselves," Maura argues between kisses. "Right?"

She pulls at the buttons of Jane's shirt, catching her breath as they give way. She presses her mouth hard to Jane's sternum, and is rewarded with a deep growl.

"Maura," Jane moans, trying again even though the doctor knows her resolve is giving way. "Maura, it's been a really trying –god! – we don't have to…"

"Want to," Maura says. What she means is _have to._

Jane's arms come up around Maura's waist, pulling her closer. "I love you," she whispers against Maura's ear. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I was such…I'm sorry I was such an – oh god, Maur!"

Jane spins them quickly, lifting Maura up into her arms and pinning her against the wall, pressing her skinny frame between the doctor's legs, hiking up her skirt as she goes.

Jane is beyond resistance now, and is intent only on consent. She pulls back long enough to let Maura struggle up and out of her blouse.

"Are you sure?" she pants, eyes darkening as they take in Maura's chest, rising and falling rapidly in front of her.

Maura wraps her arms around Jane's neck and pulls her closer, kissing her lips again. "Stay," she says. It is a demand, and not a question, but it's all she can get out at this point.

Her whole body is screaming at their closeness. They are about to be closer.

Jane grunts as she enters her, and Maura's head thuds back against the wall. She doesn't know if that's her voice hissing "yesss," or if it's just in her head.

"Shitfuck," Jane whimpers, and as Maura pulls her closer with her heels, Jane's head falls down onto the doctor's shoulder.

"Closer," Maura manages, and Jane lifts her head to mouth at Maura's ear, her raspy voice leaving promises and adoration in its wake.

Maura doesn't know if she responds. She doesn't know if any of the sounds out of her mouth are coherent at all.

All she knows is that her climax hits her square in the chest like a bullet and then surges out to each and every last nerve ending in her body. All she knows is that when it passes, and she's limp and damn near unconscious from the tidal wave of emotion, Jane shifts back so that Maura is more fully in her arms and carries her up the stairs to her room.

…

…

Abbi had to eat on a separate set of dishes. Somehow, for Maura, this detail is the one that makes her feel weak with fury. They had made her sleep in a cleared out closet about as big as a jail cell. Anja had driven her two children to school, while Abbi was made to ride the bus.

They went out to their Friday night family dinner without her.

But in spite of all of these things, the fact that Abbi had been forced to eat off of different dinnerware is what gets to Maura the most. It is such a blatant separation.

"They didn't hurt you," Maura asks, and then immediately amends that to "physically. Did they hit you or…spank you at all?"

Both the detective and doctor have called out of work. Jane texted Frost to let him know what was up. They'd wanted to feed Abbi breakfast, let her settle in a little before interrogating her thoroughly, but when Maura had set down her plate of eggs in front of her, the little girl had looked around at all their dishes and said, "my plate is the same as yours. Maybe you made a mistake."

After this telling comment, the eggs had been pushed to the side, and even the coffee was forgotten in favor of getting a clear picture of just what Abbi had been subjected to in the past month.

Now Abbi shakes her head no, in answer to Maura's question, and the doctor watches Jane deflate with relief. "Joshua pinched me a lot," she says, showing them the red skin of her inner elbow. "Candice pulled my hair in my sleep. I yelped and she said that it was disturbing her. That's why I had to move to the closet."

Jane grits her teeth, and Maura disengages enough to continue the questioning without letting her voice waver.

"Okay," she says gently."Anything else, darling?"

Abbi bites her lip. "I hadda eat on different plates," she says hesitantly.

"I'm sorry?" Jane asks for clarification in a way that lets Maura know that she's heard and understood, but can't believe it.

"Candice and Joshua and Ms. Anja and Mr. Jansen, they get to eat off the nice china. Because they won't break it," Abbi looks down into her lap, which is lucky, because Maura has never seen Jane look so fearsome. "I had to eat on the plain, chipped one where the tea cup is missing," Abbi continues, picking up speed as she realizes that her audience is sympathetic. "And there isn't a matching dessert fork, so I can't ever have dessert, even though I brought home a B+ on my math test and Candice only brought home a C."

That had probably only served to enrage Anja more, Maura thinks, watching as Jane reaches out to touch Abbi's shoulder.

"Why didn't you call us?" Jane asks softly. "We would have come and gotten you, kid, straight away. And there wouldn't have been any need to risk your life."

Abbi shrugs. "She said you didn't care. She said you dumped me on her life like garbage."

Maura shakes her head, hoping that she does not look as devastated as she feels. "How could you believe that?" she asks, knowing she sounds a little bit harsher than she wants to.

Abbi looks at her, eyes shiny. "I don't know. I don't believe it anymore," she says quietly. "But you know…like, did you ever think you knew something so, so much? And then you get somewhere and it's like…you can't remember any of it?"

Maura stares at the little girl. She has adequately summed up the majority of her childhood. "Yes," she says, and her voice cracks.

Abbi looks between Jane and Maura, her eyes filling up with tears again. "Please don't send me back," she says plaintively. "I don't want to forget what matters."

…

Abbi falls asleep in front of the TV that night, and Jane, still there, offers to carry her up to her bedroom. They've promised her that she does not have to return to Virginia, and Maura has promised Abbi that she has a home with the doctor as long as she wants one. To prove that they meant business, they'd taken the little girl shopping, and Maura had bought almost everything she'd looked at, including an iPod and a matching silver case.

The last hour, however, as Abbi dozed in front of the TV found Jane in the kitchen, making hurried, hushed phone calls, pulling rank and cashing in a dozen favors, and Maura on the computer, working feverishly.

Jane appears back in the living room just as Maura is shutting her laptop. She comes to sit on the arm of the M.E.'s chair.

"She went right down," Jane says. "She told me to tell you she loves you."

Maura nods and looks away, trying to act as though she's used to that emotion from others.

"Don't worry Maura," Jane says, taking her silence for apprehension around Abbi's custody. "I think we'll pull it off," she says encouragingly, reaching to take Maura's hand and bring it to her lips. "Anja might even just sign her over. I think she can be ours, Maur."

"I'm sorry," Maura says quietly, pulling her hand away. "I…We shouldn't have done that, last night. I-I shouldn't have…done that to you."

Jane's whole body tenses. "What?"

Maura tries to fight the feeling of panic that has been mounting all evening. A child in her house, permanently, and Jane as what, as her wife? They could barely make it six weeks without fighting. "I feel…I feel as if I led you on. As if I'm _leading_ you on. I don't want to do it anymore."

"Is this because I said ours?" Jane asks, and although her voice remains level, Maura can hear her running through the last forty seconds of their conversation, looking for where she went wrong.

This only makes Maura feel guiltier. "No," she says quickly. "No, I-"

"Because she can be yours," Jane says. "Just yours. And I can be…the creepy aunt who's over way too much?"

"I'm not joking," Maura says, trying not to give in to her panicked irritability.

"Neither am I," Jane says quietly. "Maura, what's happened? Yesterday you wanted this…Hell, an hour and a half ago you wanted this…What happened between putting Abbi to bed and-"

"I've already apologized for yesterday," Maura says. "It was wrong of me to…lead you on in the way I did."

Jane's hand twitches towards her again and then falls back indecisive. "H-How have you led me on?" she asks cautiously.

Maura closes her eyes, unwilling to see the look of betrayal on the detective's face. "When we began dating…when we _met_, really, I presented myself as someone who…who…" She opens her eyes, looking around as if the proper words will be somewhere in the living room.

"Just say it, Maura," Jane sounds resigned.

"I presented myself as someone who had been _loved_," She breathes out. "I presented myself as someone who had been loved _and_ who knew how to love in return." She says quickly, opening her eyes to gauge Jane's reaction. "But…I haven't been, and I don't. Not really. And I'm so sorry Jane." She looks up, searching Jane's eyes for something other than blank shock. "I just wanted…well, I wanted you. So _badly_. For so long, and I thought that if you knew that my previous relationships had all been stilted, loveless things, that you would-"

But Jane leans forward and pulls Maura into her arms. Even though she holds tight, the doctor can feel that she's shaking.

"Oh Maura," she says. "Maura…_honey_. Is that what you're afraid of?"

"No," Maura says, finding the willpower to push the detective away. "It's what I know."

Jane sits back, looking stung.

Maura sighs. "When I was in high school," she says quietly, "I was in love with my Organic Chem teacher." It feels like a big revelation, and she looks to Jane to see her reaction.

The brunette sits sideways on the couch, looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to go on. When she realizes that she's supposed to respond, she tries out a smile.

"I think," she says tentatively, "I think we've all been there…I had a crush on my tactical trainer at the academy. I might have lost a couple rounds just so she would pin me."

But the stark differences between their adolescent crushes only make Maura more certain that she is doing the right thing.

"I lied to her," Maura says, fighting to keep her voice from betraying how close she is to tears. "I wanted to keep her close to me…I thought that would work…It didn't. She was always so kind to me…she tried very hard not to crush me. I don't think she could have known…"

Jane doesn't answer this time, but she reaches out and puts her hand on Maura's knee.

The contact nearly makes Maura sob. "I can't lie to you as well," she says, "even if it's working this time."

Jane squeezes Maura's knee. "Maur," she breathes, "I don't understand…I don't-"

Maura stands up, raking a hand through her hair, cursing herself for her inability to explain her emotions. Her! Inarticulate!

"I can't make it any clearer," she says, and she means it like a confession, but it comes out all accusation.

Jane holds her ground, clearly trying. "Maura," she says slowly, weighing each word carefully. "Maura, whatever your teacher did to you…you were just a kid and-"

But Maura whirls on her, eyes wide. "What?"

Jane freezes. "I…I thought-"

"She didn't _molest_ me, Jane!" Maura says, and her rage at not being able to express herself fully is directed solely at the brunette in front of her. "She rejected me. She was beautiful and brilliant and I was too young, of course, and she rejected me, at least, the part of me that wanted her sexually. And what about Slucky?"

Jane gives her head a little shake, clearly trying to identify the connection.

"He wanted sex sex sex. Nothing else. He rejected me too. He rejected my brain."

Jane's face softens a little with the beginnings of understanding. "Maura," she says quietly, stepping forward. "Sweetheart."

"No!" Maura pushes Jane hard in the chest, making her stumble backwards. "No! Don't you get it? I choose friend! I choose best friend! I have to make a choice, and that's it."

Jane stares at her, bewildered. "What?"

"You don't know how…wonderful it is to have you as my best friend. As my only friend. I will take that over lover, girlfriend, co-parent…_wife_." Maura shivers. "I don't want to chance it…again." She looks up into Jane's shell shocked face. "Can't we just go back to the way we were?"

"You don't have to choose," Jane says quietly.

Maura shakes her head. "Yes, I do."

Jane steps forward again, and takes her hand. "No, baby," she says, "You don't. I want all of you. I want every single part of you. If you could just stop that big brain of yours long enough to hear-"

But Maura pulls back and slaps Jane hard across the face.

"Get out," she says.

It takes Jane a long time to open her eyes. When she does finally turn her head and look back at Maura, the doctor cannot read what's written on her face.

"Maura," Jane says her name like it is a full paragraph.

"Get out!" Maura says louder, and she points at the door.

Jane swallows. And obeys.

…

…

Anja Coleman-Lane deigns to return to the precinct three days later, the telltale click of her heels warning Maura, Jane, and Frost of her arrival before they see her.

Maura has sent Abbi off with Korsak, telling him to give them a couple minutes before bringing her out, in case it gets ugly. Maura turns and looks in the direction of the sound, ignoring that Jane's eyes stay on her profile.

They haven't spoken since the night of their fight, although Jane has tried several times, texting and calling repeatedly.

"Maura," Jane says now, lowly enough that Frost can pretend he hasn't heard.

Maura shakes her head. "Not now, Detective," she says shortly. "Can we please focus on the matter at hand?"

Jane doesn't try again, and a split second later, Anja Coleman-Lane appears around the corner and marches into the bullpen, looking even more harried than she did on her previous visit.

She looks around, and then her eyes fix on Jane.

"Well?" She asks impatiently, "Where is she? I booked us on a four o'clock flight, so we'll have to make this turn around snappy."

Jane steps forward, looking casually intimidating in her slacks and t-shirt, belt in place.

"Mrs. Coleman, your-"

"Coleman-Lane," Anja interrupts.

Jane doesn't correct herself, just continues on. "Your niece ran away last week. And I'm not talking, packed some candy in a bag and went to the park. I'm talking, an interstate adventure kind of run away. She put herself in a tremendous deal of danger, making her way back here."

Anja blinks and Maura thinks that she is the kind who would snap gum, if she could. "So what?" she asks finally, "Are you going to arrest her?"

"We might arrest you," Frost pipes up, coming to stand near Jane. "What makes a kid cross state lines to get away from someone who's supposed to be taking care of her?"

Anja raises her eyebrows. "Ungratefulness?" She says sarcastically.

"Try again," Frost says darkly. "Were you beating her?"

"No!" Anja says, looking properly concerned now, though for all the wrong reasons. "Is that what she told you?"

"She doesn't need to tell us anything, Mrs. Coleman," Jane says, "Her actions, and yours, speak for themselves."

"_My_ actions…"

"You didn't call the cops to report her missing," Frost interjects, and Maura realizes they are running an interrogation, just like they would on a suspect. "She'd been gone 48 hours before we called you, yet there's no report in your hometown of a child missing."

"I…thought she'd turn up," Anja says lamely. "She's fine isn't she?"

"No thanks to you." Maura speaks before she realizes her mouth is open, and Anja turns to look at her.

"Excuse me?"

"You wouldn't have cared if she died," Maura says bitterly. "In fact, it probably would have been a weight off your shoulders."

Anja stares at her, seemingly lost for words.

"Look," Jane says, trying to sound reasonable. "You don't want her. That's clear. We have alternatives. She has people who want her."

"Who?" Anja asks disbelievingly.

"Me," Maura says quickly. "I would gladly take her in and raise her as my own."

Anja scoffs. "For how much child support?"

"For the security of knowing that you can never abuse her ever again," Maura retorts.

Anja goes red. "I never-"

"You made her a leper in the place she was supposed to be able to call home!" Maura yells, interrupting. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Jane's eyebrows contract, but she doesn't care. "Do you know what happens to children who grow up thinking they aren't welcome in their own houses? They are less affectionate. They are obsessive, compulsive, they have difficulty expressing their feelings, they don't...they come to not only mistrust kindness, but to actively push it away. Is that the kind of life you want for your child?"

Anja looks coolly back at the doctor. She seems not to have been moved by the speech at all. "She is not my child," she says after a moment.

Maura feels herself grow warm, and knows that her cheeks have gone rosy. "She is your blood," she says furiously. "And I am not just talking about your niece. I'm not worried about her anymore. You don't want her? Good riddance. She has a family here that will love her like their own. I'm talking about those lifelike robots you call your children."

Behind her, Frost makes a noise that could start out as a laugh, but which he turns into a cough very quickly.

"My-" Anja begins, her hand going to her throat. The move is an exact replica of something Maura's own mother would have done, and it makes a new landmine of anger explode inside of her.

"Yes, _your_ children, Ms. Lane, if you can even call them that. I feel sorry for them. I feel terribly, _terribly_ sorry that they will not know passion, strength, comfort or genuine unconditional love at your hands. I feel sorry that no one has recognized your lack of empathy as outright abuse. I feel sorry, but there is nothing I can do for your children. The best I can do is go down to my office, hug my new daughter, and tell her that in my house, in her new home, she will never have to feel as though she does not belong."

Silence.

Anja stares at Maura, and Jane and Frost stare at Maura, and down the hall, some techies have poked their heads around the corner to stare at Maura too.

"You'd fight me?" Anja says, "For my brother's no account kid?"

"I would fight to the end of the legal system, for as long as it took, if it meant that you were no longer able to call her a no account kid."

Out of the corner of her eye Maura sees Jane smile.

Anja sighs heavily. "Well," she says finally, "what will I gotta do? Will she still cost me money?"

"No," Maura says, hope stirring inside of her. "All you have to do is go before a judge to waive your guardianship, and sign it over to me."

The elevator dings and slides open, revealing Korsak and Abbi. Abbi smiles excitedly at Maura, but then stops dead in her tracks when she sees Anja.

Maura sees her mouth move over the word "no."

"You," Anja says. "Come here."

Abbi glances at Maura, who nods, and then walks towards Anja on stiff, reluctant legs.

"You ran away, you little turd," Anja says harshly. "For what? You wanted to be here?"

"Talk to her that way again and you won't have a hand to sign with," Jane growls.

Abbi glances at Jane and then back up into Anja's face. "I wanted to be with someone who cares about me," she says quietly.

Anja looks completely taken aback by this. "I don't know anything about you," she says incredulously. "You haven't done anything to earn my love, yet."

Abbi looks a little like she's been struck, and Maura steps forward before Jane can, putting her hands on Abbi's shoulders, pulling her back against her.

"Love for one's child should be unconditional," Maura says coldly. "They can earn trust, or allowance, or…respect, if they've lost it. But no child should have to wonder if they've earned their parent's love."

Anja looks completely flabbergasted. "She's not _my child_," she says, as though this explains everything.

"You're right," Maura says, turning Abbi by the shoulders, and leading her away.

"She's mine."

Abbi gapes up at her, and Maura does her best to smile back through her blinding rage. "If she wants to be," she adds to Abbi.

Abbi spins and throws her arms around Maura's middle, nearly knocking her over.

"She does."

They have just reached the carpark when Maura's phone lights up. It's Jane, and it's just two words.

_**She agreed.**_

…

…

Maura pulls up in front of the school, scanning the faces for Abbi. It's been a little over a month since Anja Coleman-Lane signed custody of her niece over to Maura Isles, and it is the last week of Maura's "maternity leave" from the precinct.

There she is. Maura smiles as she picks out Abbi's bright smile, her little hand up and waving at the blue Prius she knows holds the doctor.

Maura parks the car and gets out, and after shouting a quick good-bye to her friends, Abbi runs down the stairs and into her arms, and they hug. It's become a routine, to hug before school and after school, to go through the bedtime routine that includes tucking in, and a kiss on the cheek good night. Abbi calls it 'immersion therapy,' for both of them, and today as the girl holds on a little longer than usual, Maura finds that she has been looking forward to this all day.

"How was school, sweet girl?" she asks, pulling away finally.

"Good!" Abbi says, turning to slide into the backseat of the car. "It was school safety day. And I got named to be a hall monitor! I get a sash."

Maura slides into the driver's seat and starts to pull away from the curb.

"That's wonderful," Maura says. "I am so proud of you."

Abbi hums happily, but then the smile seems to slide from her features. "Um…Maura?"

The doctor feels a flutter of panic at the child's tone. "Yes, darling?"

"Can…we talk about something?"

"Anything," Maura says honestly.

"Can…I mean…do you think I might be able to call you something…other than Maura? Sometime? In the future?" Abbi stumbles over her sentence, and it takes Maura a moment to work out what she's saying.

"Oh…_Oh_! You mean like…" but she can't make her mouth say the word.

"I know I'm not truly adopted yet…and I know that…maybe you don't see yourself as my, as my…mother. But-"

"Yes," Maura says quickly, before she can lose her nerve. "I do."

"Oh," Abbi says, sounding surprised. "You do?"

"Yes," Maura says firmly. "And you can call me anything you'd like. Anything that makes you comfortable."

Abbi is silent for almost ten blocks before she says, very quietly. "Maura and Mom. MoMa?"

"That's fine," Maura says, hoping that the wobble in her voice won't be misconstrued. "However, that is an actual place as well. The MoMa is shorthand for a museum in New York City."

"Bet you know more than all their staff combined," Abbi says fondly.

"Let's not get crazy," Maura says with a chuckle. And then, glancing in the rearview mirror at Abbi, she adds, "But yes… maybe."

"Ma Mo then," Abbi says, leaning back in her seat, looking satisfied. "Reversed, so there can be no confusion. You are my MaMo."

Maura blinks very rapidly so that she can continue to see the road as she drives.

"MaMo?" Abbi asks after a while.

"Are you just testing it out?" Maura asks lightly, "Or do you have a question?"

"Both," Abbi says with a smile.

"Shoot."

"What about Jane?"

Maura nearly drives off the road. She has to take several deep breaths, and swallow twice before she can say, "What about Jane?"

Abbi considers her lap. "She was at school today, for School Safety Day. She did a presentation with Detective Frost."

Maura stops at a red light, and takes a hand off the wheel to rub at her chest. "Did she?"

"Yes," Abbi says. "It was really good. And funny."

"I bet," Maura says, unable to stop herself from smiling.

"We talked," Abbi says. And then when Maura does not answer, she goes on. "She asked how we were."

Maura tries to keep her face neutral. She hasn't seen Jane since the precinct threw Maura and Abbi a "happy new family" party the day before the doctor's leave. Jane had given Maura her distance, but had been her normal self with Abbi, hugging her tight at the end of the night and whispering something that the doctor couldn't hear, but which made Abbi hug her again, hard.

"What, uh, what did you tell her?" Maura asks, failing at nonchalance.

"I told her I missed her, and that I was happy to see her. I told her I wished we could hang out more…" Abbi hesitates. "I told her you dream that she's died sometimes. That some man named Charles has killed her."

Maura goes cold all over. "How could you possibly know that?" she asks, sounding harsher than she means to.

Abbi bites her lip. "I heard you dreaming," she mumbles. "A couple times."

Maura gives up trying to drive and pulls over to the side of the road in order to wipe at her eyes. "That's something you should have come to me about, Abigail," Maura says, spinning in her seat a bit so she can see the little girl.

Abbi hangs her head. "I'm sorry, Mamo," she says.

Maura chokes on a laugh, reaching out to take the little girl's hand. "That won't work forever," she says. "Soon, that name will be commonplace."

Abbi tries a smile. "But it worked now? You're not mad anymore?"

"I was never mad, honey," Maura sighs. "What did she say to that?"

"She said she missed us too. But she said, if nothing else, she'll see me some nights, when you go back to work and have to stay late. She says we can hang out then."

Maura looks around at Abbi, stunned. It had been their plan, before Maura had ruined everything. They had planned that Jane would watch Abbi when Maura could not and vice versa. They had planned that the child would grow up knowing both of them as her protectors and…her parents.

"She said that?"

Abbi looks hard at Maura. "She says everything is still on the table," Abbi says softly, pausing when Maura pulls in a sharp breath.

"She says she loves every part of you, even the parts of you that you haven't shown her yet because you're too scared. She says she loves your brain, she just wishes you'd use it to see she's waiting for you. She says she…" Abbi blushes. "She says she wants all of you."

"Does she?" Maura knows she shouldn't be asking an eleven year old this question, but she can't help herself. "She told you that?"

"You fought because you think she only wants…sex?" Abbi asks in response.

"No!" Maura says quickly. "Is that what she told you? That's not-"

"No," Abbi says, still calm. "She said lots of people have treated you mean. So many, that you think it's you, and not them. So many that when you hear something nice, or kind…your brain goes into hyper drive, looking for the trap."

Maura bites her lip to keep it from quivering. How many times has she gone over that night in her head? A hundred? And each time, she'd put her own ending on Jane's cut off sentence.

_You don't. I want all of you. I want every single part of you. If you could just stop that big brain of yours long enough to hear-_

To hear what? _How stupid you are. How ridiculous you're being. How sexy I think you could be._

What if it hadn't been any of those. What if it had just been simple.

_You don't. I want all of you. I want every single part of you. If you could just stop that big brain of yours long enough to hear-_

_that I love you._

Abbi reaches out for Maura's hand. "Maura…Mamo." Maura looks around at her daughter.

"What else did she say?" she asks quietly.

Abbi smiles. "Jane says she loves us and she'd do anything for you," she recites.

She squeezes Maura's hand.

"All you have to do is ask."


End file.
